Do you think ex spouses should/can be "friends"?

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Today, 07:33 PM	? #10 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 114	Quote: If ex's without kids want to be friends, I think that is all fine and good. However...once one of them becomes involved in a relationship, then casual contact should stop. I think that of ex's with kids as well, actually. There needs to be respect for the new relationships and partners. I am speaking as a woman who lost her husband to the ex wife because they continued to have contact. Just divorced...my story Thanks for your response, and I agree with you. When your ex was in contact with his ex wife, did you know about it or did he do it behind your back? The type of scenario that I'm thinking of is a guy whose ex divorced him, moved hundreds of miles away, no kids together, the only thing still binding them was that they had a couple of home loans together with both their names on them. They both ended up getting new partners, but they would still contact each other through emails/ phone calls on a fairly regular basis. Supposedly the ex wife's knew partner new about them having contact but didnt care.... the ex husband knew that his new partner most likely would care, so instead of making her aware that he and the ex still talked to each other, he kept it a secret. He made her believe that him and the ex never spoke to each other anymore at all. Then one day, the ex husbands new partner found out about the emails that they had been sending each other... emails containing all types of conversations they had, telling each other all kinds of personal details about their current relationships, along with tons of other personal things. The husband was confronted about it and was told by his new partner that she did not want him contacting the ex anymore at all, unless it was something absolutely URGENT having to do with one of their loans. If they were going to talk it had to be business only and it had to be urgent. He was also told to tell the ex not to contact him anymore either, unless it was something urgent. The husband agreed but yet he changed his email password and wont let his new wife look through his emails anymore and doesnt like for her to look at his phone or any other personal items. So it still makes it seem kind of suspicious to me. Keep in mind, the husband and his new partner were not married at the time that all these personal emails were being exchanged... but they were in a serious relationship... it was a long term relationship, but they were seeing each other at least a few days out of every month, talking on the phone everyday, and the new partner even had plans on moving out of state in order to go be with him, and eventually she did and got married to him. I certainly don't blame her for feeling the way that she did. Last edited by kittykatz; Today at 07:42 PM.
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Today, 07:51 PM	? #13 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: Missouri Posts: 551	Quote: Thanks for your response, and I agree with you. When your ex was in contact with his ex wife, did you know about it or did he do it behind your back? The type of scenario that I'm thinking of is a guy whose ex divorced him, moved hundreds of miles away, no kids together, the only thing still binding them was that they had a couple of home loans together with both their names on them. They both ended up getting new partners, but they would still contact each other through emails/ phone calls on a fairly regular basis. Supposedly the ex wife's knew partner new about them having contact but didnt care.... the ex husband knew that his new partner most likely would care, so instead of making her aware that he and the ex still talked to each other, he kept it a secret. He made her believe that him and the ex never spoke to each other anymore at all. Then one day, the ex husbands new partner found out about the emails that they had been sending each other... emails containing all types of conversations they had, telling each other all kinds of personal details about their current relationships, along with tons of other personal things. The husband was confronted about it and was told by his new partner that she did not want him contacting the ex anymore at all, unless it was something absolutely URGENT having to do with one of their loans. If they were going to talk it had to be business only and it had to be urgent. He was also told to tell the ex not to contact him anymore either, unless it was something urgent. The husband agreed but yet he changed his email password and wont let his new wife look through his emails anymore and doesnt like for her to look at his phone or any other personal items. So it still makes it seem kind of suspicious to me. Keep in mind, the husband and his new partner were not married at the time that all these personal emails were being exchanged... but they were in a serious relationship... it was a long term relationship, but they were seeing each other at least a few days out of every month, talking on the phone everyday, and the new partner even had plans on moving out of state in order to go be with him, and eventually she did and got married to him. I certainly don't blame her for feeling the way that she did. Yes, I knew. It started out with him sharing most of the texts with me. However, when I would express to him how I felt about some of the things she would say, he started hiding them from me so he "didnt have to hear it". (she said some pretty awful things about me, and he wasnt defending me) They were talking on the phone while he was at work, discussing our relationships, etc, the whole EA script you read on here all the time. Yeah the husband you are talking about here is very much in the wrong. This shows the serious need for BOUNDARIES in our relationships, something my ex would never respect for me.
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Today, 08:25 PM	? #14 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 114	Quote: Yes, I knew. It started out with him sharing most of the texts with me. However, when I would express to him how I felt about some of the things she would say, he started hiding them from me so he "didnt have to hear it". (she said some pretty awful things about me, and he wasnt defending me) They were talking on the phone while he was at work, discussing our relationships, etc, the whole EA script you read on here all the time. Yeah the husband you are talking about here is very much in the wrong. This shows the serious need for BOUNDARIES in our relationships, something my ex would never respect for me. Your story reminds me a lot of the person I have in mind. I feel like by not letting the wife see his emails anymore, I feel like thats just his way of not having to hear the wife complain about it, if the ex does so happen to send him a message. In fact I think thats the reason why he didn't tell her about them having contact with each other in the first place. As if not talking about it is going to make the issue go away. I think knowing that your partner is discussing your own relationship with his ex would have to feel the worst... I'd be thinking "How is our relationship any of her business?" And an even better question would be, why the hell would HE care about her new relationships and whats going on in her life? Like I said, if theyre such good buddies and love to have these converstations, they should have just stayed together. When you get divorced, thats supposed to be it. Youre supposed to be done, IMO. It beats the heck out of me... I mean out of all the people in the world that you could be friends with, why your ex? Why would you rather not have these deep, intellectual, satisfying conversations with someone else... like say... oh i dont know.. the person that you're currently with!? The only reason I can think of as to why someone would be friends with their ex is if they still had feelings for them... and in your case, unfortunately your ex has proven that to definitely be true.
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Today, 08:31 PM	? #15 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Dec 2012 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 204	Quote: Anyone else? Im curious. Come on guys. Here's my experience. My wife and I are still friends with each of our previous SERIOUS relationships. Mind you, we have been together for 26 years so the memories and feelings about the old relationships are kind of fossilized. W is really only FB friends with her ex these days. We are both in touch with my ex and her husband. In fact, it was only a few years after me and ex split that my ex shared an apartment with me and my (now) wife. W and I had a small role in getting my ex together with her now husband. There has never been tension even though, a few months into our relationship, I told my now wife that my ex was the perfect woman (what a jackass I was!!!!). We all get along which says that, in some cases (stress the "some"), staying in touch with ex's can work and feel normal. I look at what I have just written and maybe this is not typical...
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